The Wreck Of the Conservative Party
To the tune of the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, with all apologies to the great Gordon Lightfoot
The legend lives on from Ottawa on down
Of the Fake Lake they call Harper's Folly
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the moods of electors turn gloomy.
With a load of bull manure - 26,000 tons more
Than the Conservative caucus weighed empty
John Baird it is true has a bone to be chewed
When the cries of opposition come early.
The Conservatives are the pride of the Republican side
Takin' cues from angry old guys in Washington
As the big parties go it was bigger than most
With a crew the Captain kept silenced.
Concluding some terms with a couple of display firms
Lawrence Cannon day dreamed of Lake Nipissing
And later that night when the CP wire rang
Could it be the issue they'd been fearing?
The copy on the wires made a tattletale sound
And the story sent everyone wailin'
And every MP knew, as the Captain did, too,
T'was the waste of G20 come ricocheting.
The dawn came late and the coffee had to wait
When the scrums of journos came hounding
When Question Period came it was really quite plain
That the spin they'd used wasn't working.
When supper time came Tony Clement came on screen
Saying fellows it's too rough to shield ya
At 7PM Senator Duffy weighed in
He said fellas it's been good to know ya.
The Captain wired in he had Karl Rove coming in
The fake lake imperiled the Tories
And later that night when his support dropped out of sight
Came the wreck of the Conservative Party.
Does anyone know where the love of Guergis goes
When her hubby hangs out with busty hookers
The pundits all say she'd have made election day
If she'd just put more judgment behind her.
They might have stood ground or they might have prorogued
They may have sent for Mulroney
And all that remains are the empties and the trays
Of the big party they called G20.
Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
One is nearby the G8 meeting
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams,
Its islands and bays aren't pretending.
And farther below Lake Ontario
Stands a Fake Lake yet you and I can't stand there
And the political polls go as the pundits all know
With the waste of G8 and G20 remembered.
In a musty old hall in east Ottawa they prayed
In the Conservative tactical war room
The House bells chimed, 'til they rang one forty three times
For each Tory facing re-election.
The legend lives on from Ottawa on down
Of the Fake Lake they call Harper's Folly
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the moods of electors turn gloomy.
-- Mike Watkins, @confute on Twitter - retweet this if you like it.